the day to day tasks are mind numbing and welcome at times, but how will i ever be better when i get lost in nonsense? will i ever be normal? will i ever be happy?
how can one person be so selfish and yet so selfless? i want the world, yet i am too scared to take it. i want love, yet i am too scared to be it. i want hope, yet i am too scared to grab it.
my mind hurts. my body aches. i thought i had the answers to life and love, yet i was so mistaken. did i really just push away the one man who would love all my crazy? all because life got tough. am i really in love with a friend, who seems to be pulling away from me every day. is this person pulling away or am i just scared that they will leave me like everyone else does. everybody leaves. its true. they do. its like a good dose of me and they flee!
all i want is someone who sees me. someone who is attune to me. someone who knows what i need even when i dont. someone who knows i am crying out for help even though i am terrified to ask for it. someone who sees that i have so much to give even though my heart is surrounded by a fort of safe walls. i need someone who is willing to love me for all that i am and all that i could be. for the current self and the person i hope to become. i need someone who isnt scared of dreaming. someone who embraces adventure. someone who has passion burning inside them. someone who can make me feel like the world is my playground. is that too much to ask?
tired of aching. tired of having no more tears to cry. tired of longing. tired of wishing. tired of hoping. tired of feeling empty and cold. tired of mind mazes. tired of being tired
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